I don't want to grow up

I never ever felt that I don't want to grow up. I very much appreciate and love my adulthood. Childhood wasn't bad but I felt like I didn't have control to a lot of things. I embrace the growth I have experienced and how it sculptured me to who I am today. 

But today, at this moment now, I am here in the hospital, beside my mum. 2 days ago we were just out there celebrating her birthday. Yet now, I see her frowning in pain even while falling asleep. At this very juncture, I wish for the days I was a toddler, a child, where mum was healthy. 

I no longer want to be grown up to face any of these. It's so painful.