" What would you like for your birthday this year? "

I was asked that question last night by JJ. Although he did add on a follow up statement ... " that i can reasonably afford ". Hahaha

ok.. he knows me well coz he knows i'd start naming Chanel, a car, and blah blah blah! haha

It feels good knowing that there are at least presents which I can look forward to, to make myself feel better that I am turning 31!

Yeah, he is way too early... In fact, he already started asking me all the way back in December what I want for my birthday. He said i always decide too late and he had to rush through it. And he knows that a ribbon around himself is no longer an option. Haha

Thank you for being such a lovely, caring friend! For being there with me at times when I just need a listening ear, a crying shoulder, a whining figure. And that despite being such a busy and fully committed individual, u'd still make time to check on a friend like me. To put up with my increasing Bo sim-ness to call back after my showers, hair drying, blogging, photo uploading, phone calls with ex-boyfriend(s) blah blah blah..

I maintain that amongst all the guys I've ever had affections for, u have proved to be the most worthy. Even though we both know it has never been and never will be possible for us romantically, I'm happy with how our friendship blossomed.

This past year in particular, during my down times, be it if I just needed a person to cry to with or without reason or the times when you gave me your analysis of me, I am deeply touched. Many times, you seem to know the good and negative sides of me, the reasons for my good and my bad ... Whenever u get all serious and tell me about me, I cringe at how a friend whom I meet up/speak with so non frequently has grown to really see through me and understands my anxieties, my fears, my pains, my change. :)

A post that is supposed to be about me turning 31 suddenly seems to have turned into one glorifying JJ! Hahahaha!




So yes, i am turning 31. Mid life (don't think i will live that long)?

I often ponder about how life could have turned out differently.

If i had started working earlier, if i had really went into property/insurance like everyone said, would i be a millionaire by now - given the personality i have?

If i had not ate that drumstick and that can of coke, would i have been so godly slim?

If i had started to kick away that taxi habit, would i be much richer? I have to add that i truly appreciate Sung joon in this area. I believe he played a big part in helping me kick away this habit in a subconscious kind of way.

If i had not cleared away my old blog, would i be able to actually blog for a living? Lea constantly reminds me of this, how 'popular' we were at one point and how xiaxue gets to wake up in the afternoon, plays mahjong and all she needs to do is blog! and lea feels dat i will be able to psycho her to do the same and that will be our job! and there will be all the sponsorships etc! haha.. of coz i don't think we'd ever be as popular and truth is, i don't think i can handle all that fame. its scary enough knowing i have so many stalkers as it is. But yeah, i know my current blog can be quite 'boring'. haha.. i try my best not to involve much personal emotions and events so gradually, i end up not talking about anything..  i'll try to blog more from now. However please do understand i cannot blog as explicitly as before as life only gets more complicated as one gets older. The least i want is to have someone upset with my joyful blog.

if i had saved enough money to do plastic surgery, won't i be chio chio chio now? its a funny feeling sometimes when you browse through facebook where you look at pictures of sweet young things in the past and how they seem to have matured too. and how photoshop doesnt seem be able to totally make you look young and refreshed anymore. Its like even pictures of myself a year ago WERE much younger (shit, im totally marginalising my own market value with this entry.. haha)


If i had not made that choice about year ago, how would life be different from now?





Accomplishments?

I have one or two awards under my name, those were my moments of glory.

i have a decent job to make a living.

i have a good family and a reasonably sociable social circle with some friends who genuinely care for me.

I find it a little hard to believe i will ever be able to decently find someone to fall mutually in love with, to start a family. to have someone to call my own and to give birth to a little one whom i can provide with a blissful family.




i kind of have resigned to losing weight.. i mean i still try to maintain a healthy lifestyle (I TRY) but i cant foresee myself being slim in my lifetime..  dont think any of u will recognise me there after anyway!! unless some god damn wealthy man decides to pay for my liposuction and marry me as his trophy wife. i promise to play mahjong only in the day and perform my wifey duties at night! oh well! hahaha.. KIDDING!


i have lost a great deal of trust. this is really bad. But if you only knew what i've been through. Not justifying or trying to make it seem like its right to let liars and cheats change my attitude and way of life.....  but it has indeed changed me in a way or another. Sometimes im torn between the fundamental me and the new me. I'd like to say the new me feels better but i prefer the fundamental me coz that's what feels right.




i think i am ready to let go of many of the past.. though i do still reminisce about many of my past.


to be shameless, i think i do have an extraordinary life..  which wouldn't be possible if any one of you were missing. many of you there reading this have shown me the beauty and the ugliness of life. how issues should be handled, how attitudes should be changed (for better or worse), how you shared some of your extraordinary encounters with me as well.


Thank you for being part of my life...  or reading about it.


Xoxo,
Junie